A Life Without Worry Doesn’t Exist

Watching what has happened at Virginia Tech over the last few days has upset me considerably. On Monday, after listening to the reports of the massacre for several hours, I quietly put Brock to bed. Braxden was already sleeping and Braeden was in her room reading books. I leaned down to give him a kiss on his forehead just as I do every night, and like a bullet piercing through my heart, I realize that there will never again in my life be a time where I do not carry worry.

I began thinking how easy it would be for some crazed person to step foot in the kids’ pre-school class and simply unload, or how effortlessly a gun-carrying psychopath could march into Braeden’s gymnastics class and start shooting. Braeden’s starts kindergarten in a few months and anyone can walk in and out of those buildings. Just writing about it now scares me to no end.

I once heard a quote that talked about how parents feel about their children. I’ll probably get this wrong and I have no clue who said it, but it was something like, “Having children is forever deciding to allow your heart to exist outside of your body.” After watching Monday’s events, how can I, or how can any mother, protect my children from these events? How do I teach them to be safe if some mad-man steps in front of them with a 9 mm?

Those students and professors at Virginia Tech woke up Monday morning and went to class as they did every other morning. They didn’t know that in only a few short hours, they’d be fighting to stay alive…and some, as it sounds, didn’t even have the opportunity to fight before their end. And like them, our family has our routine where every morning, we wake up and go to school and go to work, and we have no way of knowing if we’ll see each other again at dinner.

Virginia Tech has once again reminded me, like some many other events where people are hurt and killed, that I cannot protect my babies from the world. I can only control those things of which I have control…which, needless to say, is very little. My primary defense is to simply pray for their safety each and every day and offer thanks that I am so blessed to have the pleasure of putting them in bed at night.

Coping without Marilyn

We lost my mother-in-law on March 17th and it has been difficult adjusting to life without her. A prime example was last weekend...Easter weekend.

Marilyn was the backbone of my husband's family. Every event she coordinated. Every minute detail of his sister and his brothers' lives were captured in her daily conversations she had with her children. We're quickly learning that without her, we don't really know each other at all.

At Easter, in years past, Marilyn would plan a meal and everyone would eventually, sometime through out the day, stop over so that she could see the all the kids. If she didn't feel like cooking, we'd all get together and have brunch after church. This year, everything was different.

Of course Stew is in no position to be planning family events. The man just lost his wife and he's trying to learn how to function on his own right now. One of his brothers invited everyone to have brunch, but some brothers went in the morning, some brothers went after church and even some brothers didn't show up at all.

We tried to organized an Easter Egg Hunt at Stew's house, and some brothers didn't even know about it.

All of the disorganization just adds to the confusion of defining life without her. A friend simply told me, "Well, it's time for you girls to step up to the plate," meaning that we (the daughters-in-law) needed to assume Marilyn's position with these events. I guess she's right, but it doesn't feel right in my heart.

I guess we just miss her....I wonder what Thanksgiving and Christmas is going to look like.

Here's a picture of the kids on Easter morning: