The Bottomless Bag of Guilt

Before Braeden was born, I never felt guilty for doing things that I wanted to do. If I wanted to go out one night, I would. If I wanted do absolutely nothing...that's exactly what I did. Now that I'm a mom, I find it difficult to think of a moment where I haven't felt guilty.

This notion of always feeling guilt came up again last night. Here I am trying to do my nightly pilates. I certainly don't have time to go to a gym everyday with three kids, so I try and do what I can at home. Plus, the kids love to join in. Braeden and Brock were fighting like crazy. I just couldn't take the bickering anymore so instead of letting them do pilates too, they were sent to their rooms (big punishment as they're rooms have a tons of stuff for them to play with). So, I have them occupied. Little Braxden stayed with me in the living room as I'm doing my workout, and he refuses to stop crawling all over me. Here I am trying to do leg lifts with a 20 pound baby using my knee leaning stool. After several attempts to have him lean on something else, I finally cracked and picked him up and put him on the other side of the room. I then resumed my leg lifts.

How dumb is this...he was simply trying to be involved and be close to me and Braeden and Brock were simply trying to participate in pilates with me. And here I am, trying to find peace and do my own thing when I should be playing with them.

No matter what I'm doing, I always tend to find ways to feel guilty about it. No one ever told me that with motherhood came with a bottomless bag of guilt.